Bah!
Oh how cute! How adorable! Such a nice boy. Look at him playing that guitar, so talented!
Double-Bah! If that’s how your Jewish mother reacts to your music, you’re doing it wrong!
Time was, if you were in a rock band, you were an offensive, dangerous asshole. By definition!
Sex, drugs, throwing stuff out of windows, cheating on your groupies with other groupies (and then puking on them), snarky remarks, casual racism, spitting, that was all in the job description. Rock and roll was a glorious competition to see who could be the biggest douchebag with the biggest hairspray budget, ozone-layer-be-damned! (Spoiler alert: it was Mötley Crüe.)
Kids today, with their sweaters and texting and band names like “Pickwick,” are just too damn nice. WTF?
Oh sure, people say they want their musicians to be well-adjusted and unthreatening. “Oh look, she doesn’t have a drug problem and almost never stabs anyone, how sweet.” But it’s not true. We really don’t want that at all. Why?
Because nice people are boring.
What’ll we look for in the Behind the Music? Which one forgot to wash the dishes after the vegan prayer breakfast? I don’t think so. I’m changing the channel just thinking about it. Being Bobby Brown. Now that’s entertainment.
Thankfully, some scenesters have seen the light. Choking out sound guys in Ballard? Nice. Mad Rad? Nothing much recently, but still, thank you. Um . . . Dave Longstreth? Seems like a dick.
Dammit, it shouldn’t be this hard to think of examples.
